Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Bad Mom

Four years ago...I was doing this with my baby girl

and tonight I did this...

I told her to choose two stories and wait for me in her bed. I would be up soon.
I wasn't soon enough.
She chose Cinderella and Hooray for Diffendoofer Day.
Not quite sure why I feel so bad. Maybe a sentimental day. I don't know.
But I do know one thing.
I love my kids.
Seeing her laying here. Innocently. Just waiting. Waiting for a mom who was too busy for her.
She will wake up and I KNOW she will remember. She remembers EVERYTHING.
It's exhausting, really.
But she will forgive me.
I think Heavenly Father gives us these experiences to help us remember.
Remember the most important things in life.To remind us that it is missing these moments that we will regret in 20 years. He doesn't want me to really regret it. He wants me to live it. And to love it.
I feel like a bad mom.
But my sweet Jake's voice is running through my mind.
A couple weeks ago he wanted to me play basketball with him outside. I did.
But only for small increments of time.
Luke was inside and kept crying everytime I left him.
I kept running back inside to comfort him and then head outside again.
Jake came in to ask me when I was coming back out to play with him.
I felt horrible. I wanted to play with him but I couldn't.
I told him, "I'm sorry you have a bad mom, Jake. I just don't have time right now."
He sat down next to me.
"Don't EVER say that again, mom. You're really, really good mom."
I almost started crying.
And I have REALLY, REALLY good kids.
And I never want to miss a moment.

1 comment:

Liz said...

this is perfect. we ALL feel this if you have more than one kid, really. it's so hard to diversify our energy to all the kids...oh and to have dinner and a clean house! yikes. kids are so forgiving and they totally know (esp yours!) that you love them. no more mommy guilt! xoxox