My Broken Heart

High School break-ups can not compare to my Tuesday night heartache. I left Enrichment early to pick up my 6 year old from Tai Kwon Do. He is trying really hard to earn his Yellow Belt. He's just not getting the form right. A few minutes late, I hurriedly parked the car, slammed the door and ran in to retrieve my precious baby. Only he couldn't leave. I walked in to find his back toward me. Master McCray in front of him. Sternly calling his name. I stopped. What was going on? Everyone else was leaving and walking out the door. I felt confused. William stood there in silence before his Master. "Again, " Master McCray sternly spoke. I took a seat. William proceeded to do his form. He turned around as part of the exercise and saw me there watching. Our eyes clashed. His 60 pound body again turned around to face the Master. "You keep making the same mistake. I am not letting you go until you get it right." His voice was loud and strict. Then I saw William's white sleeved Karate shirt raise itself to his eye. And then his other arm. I could hear his quivering voice...wiping the small teardrops from his eye. Then I almost started crying. Master McCray interrupted my crying child. "William..No..don't do that William. Look at me. No crying. William...Stop It! STOP NOW!" What was going on? My baby was crying. I felt helpless. What was a mother to do? I wanted to swoop in with eagle's wings and rescue my child from the ravenous pray. Who was this man yelling at my child not to cry?
They continued working. William still was making mistakes. Master McCray was very frustrated. William too. What in the world was going on in front of my eyes?
They continued. William still not getting it. 15 minutes...20 minutes. And than 25. William's eyes began to water as his shaky six year old hand was raised. He had a question. Master McCray asked what he needed?
I heard his quivering question from the back of the gym. "Why are you keeping me here all night?"
The Master responded. "Trust me, William. I am NOT doing this for me. I am doing this for you. If you are going to get your yellow belt, you can not keep making mistakes. You are out thinking yourself. Stop IT! Do you trust yourself William?"
"What does that mean," William trembled.
"You have got to start trusting yourself!"

This went on for over 30 minutes. William still didn't get the form right. The Master finally let him go. As my baby walked timidly over to me, I took him in my arms and squeezed the life out of him. I never wanted to let him go back to this cruel world. A world where I had no control.
I sat in bed last night and cried. I cried for my baby. I cried for that little boy who is learning at such a young age how life is hard. I cried that he might never get his yellow belt. I cried most of all when I realized that this is life. And he has to learn it. I cried to think that Tai kwon Do is nothing compared to what he is going to face.
Why couldn't I take all the pain for him? Why couldn't the Master yell at me? Why couldn't I be the one to screw up? To get my feelings hurt? I wanted it, dang it! I wanted the pain. Please. Yell at me!
Yes, this is life, dear William. The only thing that I can promise, is that I will always love you. I will always squeeze the life out of you. No matter what. I don't care what people say to you. I don't care if you can't do the form. I DON'T CARE! Just come and let me hold you. Come and let me tell you how much I love you. Come and let me tell you how you are my life. The life that I love more than you could understand. I love you, William.